1. Having tried my hand and speculative poetry, I can honestly say that it's beyond me right now. It is not beyond Mary Soon Lee: I like this page-and-a-half poem. I especially like the flowing pattern of stresses, which allows the poem to carry a reflecting, around-the-campfire feeling that I imagine Homer has in the Greek. I think the first line really shows this well: "It's true enough, / I killed a dragon— / an old dragon with the maimed wing, mind you[...]" It comes off like a practiced storyteller grasping for a new story, and the stress patterns are what give it that impression. It flows for a couple lines, and then there's a small short aside, before the narrator gets back to the flowing narrative. Another example: "I remember women screaming. And men. / The smell of roast meat. / Then the dragon came up to my smithy / and fired the roof, / and I filled up with fire myself / and ran at it with an axe in one hand, / a spear in the other." It's this patterned back and forth between short phrases and longer action sentences that really give it the feel of a good storyteller.
2. The humor is well placed, and well done. Like in the opening line quoted above, the humor helps characterize the narrator as valuing humor over boasting. This helps explain him as a character, so when he reacts to the king being humbled in front of him, it is in line with the rest his character, even with his admiration for the King's ability to perform his duties. In essence, he admires that the king performs his duties and does more, doing that more like a human. Really, the character is fascinating, and he is explained mostly through the humor. We see three or four sides of him in this poem, each interesting, and I'm interested in how they fit together. I think we get enough in the poem itself to make some guesses, and that's what helps the poem last past the page.
3. Some of the wording in here is quite beautiful. "Oh, I've done well enough, / but most of that's luck—". Though there are a couple of end-rhymes, she's instead working with a few sounds and allowing them to drive the poem forward. F, W, D, L, E, and R often show up within here to draw the poem on and give it a musical lilt: "but he rode at the front of the charge / in his first battle / like a King should, / and afterwards he got down off his warhorse / and walked in the mud,". She is not sticking to alliteration or rhyme with these sounds, but rather she's using them throughout the poem, allowing them to fall within the word wherever they do. She isn't getting picky and making sure that every word starts with a W, rather, she is allowing the W in afterwards to help carry the pattern of that sound forward. I think this variety in using specific sounds strengthens the poem's impact and beauty.
4. I think the strongest thing about this poem is that it is a wonderfully engaging narrative, but it doesn't lack a interesting reflection on the characters within, or duty. This isn't a pulp fiction poem focused only on the plot. Rather, it expands from the plot in contemplating the culture surrounding the titular character, and specifically focusing on that character's feelings about his leader. This allows the poem to be more important, interesting, and relatable than simply a tale about a Dragonslayer.
5. The one thing I would change is to focus it more. There are a couple of things in here that do not add to the narrative thrust or the philosophical bent of the poem, but seem like asides and do not add anything for the reader. For instance, the first two stanzas read:
It’s true enough,To me, the fourth line in the first stanza is at best pointless, at worst distracting, at most probable referring to something else in Mary Soon Lee's writing. Either way, from the poem itself, I don't understand why it is in there. Similarly, the mountainside and the timing of when the dragon came into the village: in the first, what does this mountainside add to the poem? Nothing. In the second, I've already learned from the first stanza that the dragon has a maimed wing, so the entire line "after it was injured" is redundant, and doesn't add anything to the poem, at best. At worst, it feels heavy handed, which can be insulting to the reader when done much more than this. So, if Mary Soon Lee asked for my advice, I would send her back a copy of her poem that starts like this:
I killed a dragon —
an old dragon with a maimed wing, mind you,
crippled by some foreign prince.
The dragon came down the mountainside
after it was injured,
right into our village.
I remember women screaming. And men.
The smell of roast meat.
Then the dragon came up to my smithy
and fired the roof,
and I filled up with fire myself
and ran at it with an axe in one hand,
a spear in the other.
It’s true enough,A couple of stanzas can be made more concise like so. But this is a strong poem as it is and I'm very happy to have read it. I look forward to reading more.
I killed a dragon —
an old dragon with a maimed wing, mind you.
It came right down into our village.
I remember women screaming. And men.
The smell of roast meat.
Then the dragon came up to my smithy
and fired the roof,
and I filled up with fire myself
and ran at it with an axe in one hand,
a spear in the other.
6. After Worldcon this year, I decided to read Mary Soon Lee. This is a strong start and makes me very excited to read more of her works. I found this poem because it is next to a poem by my friend Cullen in the 25th issue of Heroic Fantasy Quarterly. Another friend is currently writing a poem about a dragon as well, and I'm definitely sending him this one so that he can learn from it. [Edit on 9/9/15: he loved it! I hope it inspires him to finish his.]
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